I told some of my co-workers about my two weeks notice and my plans to be moved and gone by next week. I actually got a little choked up. I worked my ass off for 3 years and I have nothing to show for it. But, some of the people, which I can count on one hand, actually made it less hell for me. They were the only ones that ever thanked me for what I did. They never insulted me, or tried to get me in trouble or sabotaged me.

I’m really going to miss them. I would have put up and stayed with it more if I was permanent, but I can’t.

I did my orientation for my new job on Friday. I took EIGHT HOURS. I got up at 5 that morning to get an early start because it takes about 2 hours to get to Hickory from Boone, and damnation it is hot in the flat lands off the mountain! We had to fill out reams of paperwork and take tests. Essentially we had to go through the application process all over again and sign and date every single piece of paper we were presented with.

We then went into an office and did it all electronically!

After I was done I propped off a load of my stuff at my new place and met my mom and went to her house. Her place is only a 10 minute drive from mine. She insisted that I stay for dinner so I didn’t leave until 8:30 that night. It was 10:30 by the time I got back to Boone. I had time to take a shower, read two chapters of “War of the Worlds” by HG Wells and fall asleep to be at work again the next morning at 5am.

I told my boss that I was putting in my two-weeks notice but he barely acknowledged it. Too bad. I had some more choice words about how he treated me.

I start my new job on the 27th. So, I have this week to call Duke Power and get them to connect my electricity, and I have Friday, Saturday and Sunday to move the rest of my stuff with Wednesday to do the final walk through with my old renter to get my security deposit back. I also have to file a change of address with the Post Office, give my renter my new address to have my mail forwarded and change my billing address with the NCSECU. I still get mail for the people that lived their before me. Just junk mail. I’d hate it if that Anubis book I contributed to on Kickstarter didn’t get forwarded to me. Maybe I should contact them too.

Today me and mom, with the aid of my car and her pick-up truck, moved a significant amount of my furniture. Now, all I have left is three futons (one not in use) a chest of drawers with no draws, my mattress, my chest, entertainment center/bookcase and a couple of end tables. I’ll try to take some on Friday, but mom thinks that we should just get a 10′ truck from U-haul or something. That will cost about $90.

Found myself in yet another odd scenario at work last week. It was snowing like crazy and even though I walk to work every day, because it only takes me 10 or 15 minutes to do so, one of the people I work with who spends her days ignoring my existence or going out of her way to cause me trouble just out of the blue offers me a ride home.

Keep in mind that this is a woman who once tried to get me fired for “religious discrimination” because I asked “What in the goddamn hell do you think you are doing?” when I caught her stealing cleaning supply and stuffing them in her purse. She tattled first so it was “her word against mine” even though her purse was bulging with rolls of toilet paper and bottles of window cleaner.

At first I thought about asking her what game she was playing or declaring that I was not going to fall for her traps, but I simply said no.

A leopard never changes its spots.

It got back to me that she told everyone what an “ungrateful bastard” I was for not taking the ride.

What the fuck ever, man.

I think I’ve gotten to a point were I am honestly incapable of being nice to people.

At work, I am so surrounded by cruelty and sarcasm that my first reaction to any human contact is defensive. I feel compelled to either escape, ignore, react with hostility toward any human contact because I always expect them to be mean or insincere. 

Just today I walked into a restaurant and someone said, “Hey person! I like your coat!”. ( I wear a coat covered with patches)

Barely looking at her I just said “thank you” and placed my order. I could hear her and her friends talking about the coat and I thought that they were going to be nasty about it. But to my complete shock, they actually said something nice in their conversation and the girl who initiated contact got excited that I had a pony patch on one of my sleeves.

I met her over by the drink fountain and we started talking. She was rather amazed at the story of how I got it and we chatted a bit. She asked me if I had a facebook and I said no because the truth is that I don’t like putting that much information about myself online, but I should have mentioned Tumblr. We said our goodbyes and parted company.

And then I felt so terribly empty inside. She was a sweet girl and she carried a cane because she was partially blind. I don’t know to what extent. She was polite and curious and I felt that I was not polite enough in return. I hope I did not ruin her afternoon.

I felt I should have been nicer. Maybe ever offered her and her friends a ride so they did not have to walk in the rain. I wonder, is something deathly wrong with me.

Am I that asocial or am I just so used to being on the receiving end of so much torment that I have lost touch with humanity?

I feel sick that I may have been unjustly rude to her and that I could have made a friend for life.

I guess I will never know.

This is a bit long over due. Anyway, the university shut down for Christmas break and to make end’s meet I decided to put my CNA training to work by going to work for Glenn Bridge, the worst goddamned nursing home on Earth.

Nursing homes as a rule tend to suck. You are surrounded by human misery. From a guy who’s son told us not to let him call him at home any more, to a man fighting to get into a flu quarantined hall because he believes his dead wife is in it, to a man who fights and then sobs just from being transferred from wheelchair to bed, to people who are going through withdraw because the doctor does not give them the same amount of pills their families kept them doped up with. 

What really sucks about it is that in Raleigh, a CNA starts out at $14 and hour, but here in Boone you start out at $8.25 and stay there! On top of that, we are constantly running out of supplies and have to scrounge for basic things like gloves. The ventilation system is broken in two halls so its always 98 degrees and smells like shit. So for six days of wiping asses and dealing with every type of madness you could imagine I got $326. Fuck you, Glenn Bridge. No wonder everyone quits.

But on a high note, the night they gave me a hall to myself to patrol I got to handle a dead body. One of the residents died and I helped give him postmortem care and load him into the back of the mortician’s van ( they send a modified minivan instead of a hearse because they don’t want to scare the residents. 

It really didn’t bother me. I was surprised at my own lack of reaction to it. And then the next night my mom told me that mortuary science degrees are only two years at a community college. And that was before I told her about the body removal!

I’ve decided that I want to get my medication aide certification and them get certified as a pharmacy technician and become a pharmacist. And then maybe do the mortician thing. I had always wanted to be a mortician after seeing “Phantasm” as a child. 

I’ve come to a decision. I have got to leave Boone. I can’t deny it any longer. I love living in small towns but I HAVE to get out of this place! There is no future here even if I do get my medication aide certification.

There is nothing here for a young person except for a minimum wage slow death. As much as it pains me I have to escape. I might go to Charlotte or Raleigh, I don’t know which.

But I have always been scared of change. I know I’m in a rut but ruts can be familiar and easy to stay in but it will ultimately lead nowhere! Its daunting to move to a new place. You have to make sure that you have a job and a place to stay wait for when you get there. I never take risks or leave anything to chance because it always goes wrong for me.

It might take one year or two, but eventually I will leave this town.

The 4th of July weekend was eventful, both for the good and the bad.

My mom came up to spend the day with me. Her and my stepdad got a hotel so we could go swimming. The first one advertised their pool open but it was not. She got her money back but stayed at another one. We spent the day together, went to dinner and watched the fireworks. She also got me a screen door for my apartment.

I would have spent three days with my mom but in the middle of what was supposed to be a three day my idiot boss scheduled me for a 4 hour shift. I barely worked but it ruined everything.

My DVD player died so I went to get a new one. The local K-Mart is going out of business so I thought it would be a good place to get one. I found a Curtis brand DVD player for $26. I thought it was the best I would do so I got it. I set it up and sure enough not only did it stop playing DVDs but also shorted out my flat screen TV!!! Now, no DVD player and no TV either.

I had to wait for the K-Mart store manager to come in to get it returned and they only gave me a gift card in exchange! So I used it to get a 16gb flash drive and a copy of “The Avengers” for my friend Hunter.

I then drove to Wal-Mart and they had a Sony DVD player for $30! If only I had not jumped at that crappy one I could have saved my self a lot of grief for just $4 more!

To paraphrase a quote Homer Simpson: “WHY MUST LIFE BE SO HARD?! WHY MUST I FAIL AT EVERY THING I DO?!”

Tonight was my CNA 1 competency test and I have to admit that I was pretty nervous.

What made me calmer was the fact that my partner was freaking the fuck out. She bounced back in forth between saying “Help me, Jesus!” and telling me to shut the hell up. I let it go because it was mostly nerves and not her usual hatefulness. She was visibly shaking so I probably should be more sensitive. 

I only screwed up a couple of things. Minor things like fluffing a patient’s pillow after you position them on their side. I wash my hands for 40 seconds because I lost count during the required 20 seconds. So no real harm no foul. 

And I am now CPR certified too! I got my card so I can now save lives… Or make out with people at random. Of course I could probably do that anyway but lets face it, not too many people want to do that while conscious!

But now that I have reached another level in my nursing school, I have but one thing to say. The same thing that I always say!

Suck my balls, dad! I’m somebody now!

I have $65US to get me through next week…

I only filed my tax return Tuesday and that won’t show up for three weeks, they said. It was beyond my control. They sent my tax payers to my old address because my bosses ignore me. 

Most likely, work will hold off paying us until after the week long break that starts Monday.

The fat bastard that has me doing all his work for him does not retire until the end of the month but I still have to go through the interview and application process as a formality even though I have been doing the job for 1 year and 4 months now at temporary pay. 

I still have to get my physical from the health department, but since they are booked I can’t get it until the day after it is due. And, it will cost $30 to $40. 

And on top of all this, I still have not got the oil leak in my car fixed.

Fuck my fucking life. Every single goddamn time I start to get my head above water something plants its hoof on my head and shoves me back under. 

People say things are bound to get better. Those people don’t know shit. Have they ever been hungry? So fucking hungry that they can’t even go to sleep?

No.