I have $65US to get me through next week…

I only filed my tax return Tuesday and that won’t show up for three weeks, they said. It was beyond my control. They sent my tax payers to my old address because my bosses ignore me. 

Most likely, work will hold off paying us until after the week long break that starts Monday.

The fat bastard that has me doing all his work for him does not retire until the end of the month but I still have to go through the interview and application process as a formality even though I have been doing the job for 1 year and 4 months now at temporary pay. 

I still have to get my physical from the health department, but since they are booked I can’t get it until the day after it is due. And, it will cost $30 to $40. 

And on top of all this, I still have not got the oil leak in my car fixed.

Fuck my fucking life. Every single goddamn time I start to get my head above water something plants its hoof on my head and shoves me back under. 

People say things are bound to get better. Those people don’t know shit. Have they ever been hungry? So fucking hungry that they can’t even go to sleep?

No.

Well, it happened again. I had another fight with my mom. 

It started out simply enough, I was reading an article in the newspaper about an incident of police brutality and my contempt for cops that do that sort of thing. Next thing I know I’m a “damn know-it-all” and “if you live in Chicago…” and “if you don’t like America, you can get out! I’ll buy you the damn ticket to wherever you want to go!”

I told her, that those people are still human beings and that we have a justice system to handle punishments. Then she talked about how Rodney King was just thug and had it coming. 

I wish to GOD that she had this attitude about my degenerate junkie sister! Everytime someone told her that Jessica was a lost cause she would cry “but she’s still my daughter!!!”

Boo-fuckin’-hoo!

And my own mother giving me lover it or leave speech?! WE ARE DESCENDED FROM IRISH IMMIGRANTS! You only leave a place if your life is in danger! Our ancestors only left so they didn’t get killed by the English! If you run away, you lose, they win! You shouldn’t leave your home! You should try to make it worth living in!

I don’t what it is. She gets these bouts of irrationality and cannot be calmed down or reasoned with. And of course she takes in all out on me. But, I guess its like Ms. Ruth told me. You always hurt the ones you love because they always come back. I guess that makes me a good dog. No matter how hard you kick me, I always come home. I never wanted to be the kind of person that makes his mother cry. But, how come I feel like I am the one paying for my sister’s sins?