Normally I don’t vent here on Tumblr about the goings on in my humdrum little life because I don’t want to burden anyone with my troubles. But, I feel that I need to express it somewhere. 

At work, the new girl who started about a month and a half ago quit without notice. She stopped coming to work. I had to cover for her and someone who was on vacation on the night shift. I work days. It messed up my sleep scheduled. Today, I was told I have to work her night shift until her replacement can be hired. I am not looking forward to that. Not when I am just getting the hang of my new position in planning. 

As I was on my way to my mom’s house for dinner after work, my car broke down at a busy intersection. Luckily I was able to coast into the parking lot of a restaurant. The manager said it could stay there until I get it fixed there or towed to a shop. Its not been properly diagnosed, but it may be the fuel pump. I can get a good one on line for about $300 shipping included. And one of the mechanics at the shop at work says he can put it in for $20 labor. My coming pay check Friday will have all the extra money from the over time. I had to do a payday advance loan for some of it, because I had to pay my rent and internet bill. 

And finally, I have a cold sore coming in. Oh, joy. 

On top of all this, I can’t send cash to a friend of mine who has to take a week off. 

Fuck my life. 

cosmic-compost:

-Epic Of Gilgamesh

citysliquor:

So after a grueling week of orientation, I started my first night of work/on the job training yesterday. I have been awake since 4pm yesterday and I feel surprisingly fine. My shift was 5pm to 5am and when I got home I could not sleep. In fact I am still buzzing.

It will catch up with me soon enough because my next shifts are Wednesday to Friday in a row.

But for now I will crash later. I am too awake right now. Iced tea really does the trick.

Of course I could do a hell of a lot worse than $700 a week!

Back in May, my asshole sister got out of jail. She did 5 and a half years for breaking into several houses in several counties in North Carolina and Virginia with her friends to trade the stuff they took for pain pills.

It almost drove my mom insane trying to keep contact with my sister’s kids. It was hurting her.

Now that my sister is out and got a sweet $15 an hour job through Goodwill, she is back on drugs again. And it looks like she’s going back to jail anytime now for violating her parole.

I don’t want my mom to go through this again but my sister is a hopeless sociopath. She has been staying with mom this whole time to “save money” for an apartment of her own but she has blown it all on drugs, booze and her new friends.

Part of me wishes that she had died in prison.

Things must have gone swimmingly at my interview because they have called me back for another one on Monday.

I hope I get it and I think I have a good chance. They said that they wanted some one with a four-year degree, and in Hickory, that is a surprisingly rare thing.

Wish me luck.

I have successfully moved and started my new job here in Hickory.

I am still living our of boxes as there is so much crap I have accumulated over the years, but it will be put away in time.

I accepted my job at the Long Term Care Center (aka Old Folks Home) because of the 45 some jobs I applied for on Indeed it was the first I heard back from. No interview, just paper work and a start date.

All places like that are essentially the same.Once you walk in all you want to do is walk the hell out. Nothing makes you lose your fear of Hell and Death like an old folks home. You are surrounded by misery. Its one of the reasons that I plan to kill myself when I turn 50.

This place is particularly poorly run. Flys abound and there was human shit on the walls and floor of some of the rooms. Vital supplies constantly run short and trash and soiled linen overflow their containers and into the floor.

The staff is rude and poorly trained. It took me until halfway through my second day that someone showed me were the charts are. They punish me for being ignorant of things that they have known for years.

There are people there that scream and howl. They have been their for decades, bloated and useless, tubes and wires running in and out of holes in their bodies. 

At a staff meeting the administrators told us that October 24th will be our next audit by the state.If we do not correct the 17 violations and 3 imminent danger violations they will shut us down.

I will stick with it as long as I can. But the first chance I get I am jumping and getting the fuck out.

Yesterday was my last day at work. I caught many people off guard because they still had me on the schedule through next week. I actually got a little misty eyed. I thanked the handful of people who were actually nice to me and thanked me for the job I did for them. Jim and the girls in coordinator’s office drew up a card for me. It was sweet. I promised some people I would come back to visit after things get settled and I have extra time and money. 

Ruts are easy things to get into. And you can stay in them because they are familiar. I actually had trouble imagining life beyond those damn walls. Its only going to get worse for them. In an attempt to save money they are never going to make anyone full time, only temporary. So they now have a labor shortage because no one wants to work that shitty job for starting pay and no benefits. Like I did for 3 fucking years.

The others just ignored me or avoided me because they didn’t like me and knew that I could cuss them out. What are they going to do? Have me fired?

Today I packed more stuff for my move tomorrow. Ruth, who I always call Miss Ruth, took me out to lunch. She bought me groceries once when I was broke and forbid me from paying her back. She is sweet and always positive even after the way they treated her. Being the only Jewish woman in an all Baptist bakery was hell of Earth for her. Especially when they made Nazi holocaust jokes at her expense and still kept their jobs!

She took me to my favorite Chinese restaurant. I gave her a big hug and bid her goodbye.

I am probably going out tonight. There is a late showing of Jurassic World and I think I will go see it.

There is a problem the power at my new place. My mom won’t tell me the renter’s phone number so I can ask if the duplex has numbers other than the goddamn street number. But of course she can’t find it and is too busy to give it to me so I can’t do anything to solve the problem. You’d think I’d need to know that but I don’t. Its going to be all sorts of fun  when the rent is due.

But I can’t complain too much because she helped me get this place and get it set up.

I’d like to tell you about Phil.

Phil is a friend of mine from work. We have known each other for about 5 years now and he’s one of the best friends I have ever had. He’s almost 20 years older than I am but we have a lot in common.

Life has never afford Phil much. Even though he speaks fluent French, and even lived in France for a year and traveled to Quebec, and attended culinary arts school, he had to strive for everything he has.

Phil’s dad died when he was 15, his mom struggled to get by because of a law Reagan signed that said she had to pay back his social security benefits. Things were tough and Phil had to go live with his uncle who beat him up for any reason.

Phil is a diabetic and that has lead to other health problems.

When Phil came to work in the bakery, he was tormented ceaselessly by a crazy ex-meth head named Sarah and her clique of fellow high school drop outs. It got so bad he would go home and cry and then get sick with dread at coming in the next morning. With intervention from me and some others we managed to get HR to investigate the situation and get Sarah removed from the job and Phil transferred to work with me. He got a little happier.

When Phil’s aunt died, after a long and full life, she left Phil some money. Phil used some of that money to pay my rent twice during furloughs when the university was closed. No one ever offered to do that for me before.

Now Phil has had a miniature stroke. Nothing permanent and debilitating, he is still conscious, cognitive and mobile, although he was scared when he lost vision in one eye temporarily. He has missed two weeks of work and his bills are piling up. Even with the money his aunt let him, its a lot.

This man has done more for me than my own father. He has traveled and learned a second language. He is smart and informed and kind, and yet he is always at the mercy of bad health and some of the biggest bastards that North Carolina and Tennessee has ever spawned. He said that even though the mini stroke has not caused any major damage, the doctor said he might develop dementia later in life and it could shorten his life span.

Why do total bastards always get more than they need yet someone like him, someone who has restored my faith in humanity have to suffer and struggle through life? He works his hands to the bone but people who do nothing get all the credit. He never hurts anyone yet he is always the target of abuse. He has so much more to give but he might go to his grave earlier than people who contribute nothing but negativity and strife.

I have never been a religious person, but part of me has always believed that there is something, some force, call it God or Karma or whatever, that sees that good and evil get their just rewards. But I am starting to think that if there is a God then he has one sick sense of humor.