THIS IS SO INFORMATIVE!
Change of Plans
I was going to go with my friend Will to the comic convention in Charlotte but a combination of things led to that getting fucked.
As I have stated in previous posts, I have been on unemployment for the last month due to a break at work. This pisses me off for a number of reasons, the biggest being that my main source of income has been cut off. All those right-wing assholes on TV that say that people who draw unemployment are lazy bum that leach off the system are assholes and they are wrong. You barely scrape by on it. Thank God that I had this month’s rent taken care of before they sent me on break. Hopefully I will be full time next year and I will only have to be out of work for 2 weeks, and I will get more pay.
Second is that Saturday is the only day for the rest of the year probably that I can get my surgery done at the free clinic in Wilkesboro. Dr. Chung will be there with his equipment. He is only there maybe 6 times a year. Even then he does not always bring his surgical equipment.
One of these days I am going to tunnel out of this ocean of shit I’m in.
On a lighter note, the PS3 I found is not functioning but the man at the store said that it can be repaired. It will be about a month before I do that. I thought Hunter would be bummed to hear that but she was cool with it. One of her brother’s friends said he would sell her his PS3 and its games. I think he is getting the PS4. I hope he give her a good deal on them. If not, she has mine as a back up plan. I am always a good bronze medal.
Peace.
Toys in the Attic
The other day I told my mom what the school psychologist told me, that I have manic depression and a anxiety disorder. I had avoided telling her for over a year because I was afraid of what she might say. It turns out I was right to.
She told me if I had any problem its from sending too much time by myself. I do have friends and we hang out when we can, but not always because of class, work or studying. I am not really the type of person who goes out to clubs or bars or anything. She told me that in a few years I would be out of school and working full time and that would not permit me time to have “mood swings” or to “feel sorry for myself”, as she put it. I tried to explain what manic depression was but she didn’t understand. She told me that a routine would help me. This being get up, go to work, go to bed, as opposed to get up, go to class, go to work, go to bed and repeat. In the same conversation she told me that something had been occupying my attention and “taking over my life”. I can’t think of what that could be. Literally, it is nothing because when I do have time off, I don’t know what to do with myself. I only have my routine. I’m not sure how substituting one routine for another will help me, but she does not seem to know what a mental illness is or how to cope with it.
After she told me her solution to my problem, she told me to make perfectly sure that I do not tell anyone because it would be embarrassing to me and the rest of the family, and last thing I needed was for people to think I was crazy. It would only serve to make me look like “a fool”. She told she would call back later, she was getting ready to leave for the outer banks and she just did “not want to have to deal with this right now”.
I am starting to realize how alone I really am.
