Sometimes I think my emotions are broken. 

I have known for some time that I am manic depressive. But, sometimes that does not explain some of the things I go through. Some times I cry for no reason and sometimes something happens that should upset me but doesn’t.

About 30 minutes ago my mother called me and told me that my great-aunt Polly had died. I don’t feel it yet, but I am sure that it will cause me to break down soon. It was kind of a forgone conclusion. Aunt Polly is 81 years old. Her health had been failing for some time. It was not that much of a surprise. I should feel upset right now because I loved aunt Polly to bits. Why do I not feel anything now? 

I am so fucked up that even I can’t believe it.

I agree with this. I have to die eventually! This can’t last forever can it?!

Its like James O'Barr said once. This is just something to endure. The end of the race is the prize.