becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys:

becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys:

I missed the Mari Lwyd this year because I did New Year in Glasgow, which for some unknown reason does not have a tradition of wishing Christmas tidings with an insolent horse-skulled nightmare beast. Which I don’t unduly regret - I got to play D&D for the first time, and thus discovered that (A) my friend Luke is an excellent DM who is supremely tolerant of my insistence on summoning four giant badgers called Thrasher, Bloodbath, Killotine and Sharon (all female) to save the day, and (B) my alignment is well and truly Chaotic Neutral. But, you know, it is a shame to miss out on being insulted in a hauntingly sung rap battle by the bestial spectre of Religions Past wanting to half-inch the vodka.

BUT, Chepstow is on the border, and so they celebrate their Mari later - around mid-January. So I’m off to Chepstow tomorrow! So excited. I might spend this evening practising how to sing “Your mane has fallen out and you look like an idiot” at a seven-foot tall equine demon of mid-winter.

OH MY GOD THEY INVITED EVERY GODDAMN MARI LWYD THERE IS, TUMBLRS

THERE WERE 24 OF THE FUCKERS

I WAS SURROUNDED

Okay okay pictures

So these two had a fight. This is actually a very traditional part of Mari Lwyd culture, though they managed it without too much mead or cider drenching everyone. 

THE VICTOR

I had a photo with her.

She scream.

At one point, we were surrounded by seven or eight different ones.

That was fun. Then I started photographing the Swirly Mari.

But she noticed.

Not to worry! I sang at her and now she is my new best friend. Or maybe she’s trying to eat me. I dunno. This is 100% my new FB profile pic, though, obvs.

Then she stood up to her full height, and that’s when you remember how tall seven feet actually is.

Another Mari saw a baby in a pram and tried to eat it. I’m not being facetious, either. I didn’t get a photo of the exact moment she stuck her nose in the pram and snapped, but the baby promptly screamed (understandably) and the mother ran away.

Steff had a go at being a Mari at one point. They are EXTRAORDINARILY hEAVY.

Later in the day I went into a pub and there were more in there, just moving around. Easy to spot, like.

They had to duck. Then there was a big show down on the bridge between Maris and morris dancers, and then the Maris all - all TWENTY FOUR OF THEM - tried to heckle their way into the museum. It was epic.

Here’s a clip of them all moving off the bridge. Pls ignore my weird voice.

Anyway, this was a delightful day and my friends and I have decided that we’re going to make our own Mari and see if we can go as performers next year. She will be environmentally themed.

Blwyddyn newydd dda, bawb.