tswanreviews:

My Bloody Valentine

Year: 1981

Director: George Mihalka

In this little town, when the fourteenth comes ‘round, there’s a silence, and fear in the air. Remember the morn, that the legend was born, all the shock, and the horror was there.

The Ballad of Harry Warden by Paul Zaza

You’re a resident in a small mining community where two men who were responsible for an explosion at the mine when attending a Valentines day dance instead of doing their jobs were brutally murdered by Harry Warden, a survivor who’d been forced to resort to cannibalism in order to stay alive. Before being dragged off to the nuthouse he vowed that should the dance ever resume more victims would follow. Twenty years later the celebration is reinstated but before the big day the mayor and chief of police receive an anonymous box of chocolates containing a blood soaked heart accompanied by a note stating the murders will continue if the dance proceeds. The same day a little old lady is killed at the launderette, tumble dried, and her heart removed. The decision is made to cancel the dance. Do you:

a. Respect the decision, better safe than sorry.

b. Hold the dance some other time-Easters nice, or

c. Say “f**k it” and go ahead with the shindig at the very mine where the killer made a buffet out of his coworkers.

If you answered anything other than c then you’re reading the wrong blog.

Set in the fictional town of Valentine Bluffs, My Bloody Valentine differs from many of its contemporaries by not attempting to mimic Halloween (the price of William Shatner masks was sky high by 1981), and this is reflected in the casting of older victims for the manic miner to put to the pickaxe. Don’t get me wrong-we’re not in Cocoon territory here, but it is refreshing to see slightly more mature actors in a slasher movie.

There isn’t much time wasted on exposition as a buxom blonde is bumped off pre-title screen. The back story is left to this films answer to Friday the 13ths Crazy Ralph, a scenery chewing bartender called Happy, who is largely ignored before being added to the body count.

With much of the action taking place underground the film has something of a dank aesthetic which works in its favour, creating a tense atmosphere and setting it apart from others in the genre. Another stand out feature is the killer himself. Having a disgruntled pit worker play the villain of the piece is a masterstroke in that he comes complete with a weapon and outfit that strike a sinister chord before he’s drawn first blood. This is one miner even Margaret Thatcher wouldn’t have messed with!

The acting varies in quality throughout, with most of the characters being likeable if a tad one dimensional, and the film can be a little camp in places (check out the theme to the closing credits if you dig kitsch), but this doesn’t stop it being an enjoyable slice of 80’s hokum.

If you’re looking for a slasher with heart (ha!), you could do a lot worse than make a date with My Bloody Valentine.

Body Count: 10

Booby Count: 0

Verdict: 4 laundered grannies out of 5