Ra Wins Westminster God Show

NEW YORK—Commending his healthy frame, impeccable lineage, and ability to form light and order from the primordial chaos, judges announced Thursday that Egyptian deity Ra has taken top honors at the 141st annual Westminster God Show.

The purebred Egyptian sun god, who competed against divinities from more than 290 recognized pantheons—including Roman gods of war, trickster deities, and the Mesopotamian Anunnaki—reportedly overcame stiff competition to impress judges with high marks in gait, ear shape, and all-around omnipotence, ultimately winning best in show.

“Since 1877, the Westminster God Show has conferred its highest award upon only the most distinguished of deities, and Ra is without question one of the finest specimens we’ve ever seen,” said judge Allison Brand, citing the distinguished pedigree of the 26,000-year-old creator of all life, who sired himself from the endless void and infinite night. “His victory is especially impressive when you consider this year’s incredibly competitive field. [Japanese storm god] Susanoo-no-Mikoto, for instance, really thrilled us when he rode the crest of a tsunami across the show floor and summoned the power of lightning to defeat the evil spirits of the world.”

Keep reading