So I was fuzzing out during class. The kids were working in independent groups constructing and battling robots, so I flipped through a nearby book from my classroom library.

I have good taste.

Later, as I got ready for my Goodreads review of it, I noticed something new.

…Hold your Hedorah. Are those Godzilla children’s books?

I immediately went to Amazon. I was flush with birthday cash and willing to throw it towards something I’ll end up reading to my daughter every night. A quick Google search confirmed my wildest dreams,

It rhymed.

Oh, yes. I will totally make roaring noises while reading this.

It’s goddamn Monster Island! Hell, even Manda is in the house! Also, keep trying, Anguirus. Rodan will figure out how you feel one day.

Or is that “she?” I mean, there’s a mated pair of Rodans in their movie; which one came back in Ghidorah?

I can confirm that this two-page spread is an absolute joy to read out loud to a one-year-old.

I’m hard pressed to remember a kid’s book from my childhood with such badassitude.

That’s adorable.

I bet Randall Munroe could calculate how many coconuts it takes to feed a kaiju.

Varan. That’s Varan in a kid’s book. Unbelievable.

Oh, good. We’d gone a few pages without an excuse for me to roar at my daughter. By his friends’ expressions, I think Godzilla could use a mint the size of a McDonald’s.

Anguiras gets the best real estate.

Is he actually waving good-bye? Hell, he’s done Kung-Fu katas and flown before. I really shouldn’t be surprised by anything at this point.

He is the sweetest personification of nuclear proliferation ever.

I call shenanigans on this book.Yes, it may be ridiculously fun to read, but then I looked at the back cover. Where the heck is Mothra supposed to be? If she’s inside, her stealth skills make Waldo look as subtle as a Michael Bay movie.

The second book in the series is even sillier. Godzilla cries. 

I had to pay more then ten times the cover price for “Godzilla Likes to Roar,” but it was totally perfect. My parents are asking me what I’ve exposed my one-year-old to to make her walk around roaring.

And if you’d like to help fund my quest for exorbitantly priced children’s books, take a look at my monster book…