intaier:

>Pharaoh’s story © Octane<

1. [Signpost]: [Kingdom of the dead]
(Heru): You just can see literally anything here…
(Pharaoh): Where are you dragging me?
What’s happening?
I want to go back!

2.(Anubis): Heru, please, explain him the situation. Make him calm down.

3.(Heru): You have died, your organs were cut out and placed into canopic jars… 

4.(Anubis): Now, you have “calmed” him?!
And  how could we take him to the kingdom of the dead now?
He will ruin all our reputation!

5.(Heru): Don’t worry. We’ll make everything at our best.

6.(Heru): To the Kingdom of the dead, o mighty pharaoh!

===

1. [signpost] Registry office
(Heru): Hello, Thoth! We brought a newcomer. Sign him up.
(Thoth): Quiet! There’s Min rambling around nearby…

2.(Thoth): This pervert was molesting me again!
Today he raped five ushabtis, three goddesses and one god.
Heru, I need to change job really soon…

3.(Thoth): Oh gods, here he is!

4.(Min): Leeet’s f*ck! I’ll f*ck everything that moves!

===

1.(Thoth): There were days when I was less lucky and Min caught me…
(Anubis): Kill me please. I need a vacation.

2.(Osiris): What a cute mummy! But why he’s all trembling?

3.(Aset): Who did you bring here, Thoth?
That’s Aekhnaten!!
(Thoth): Aekhnaten?!

4.(Thoth): Where were you looking, bunglers?! He is the pharaoh who established the cult of that motherf*cker Aten!

5.(Aten): I have heard everything.

===

1.(Thoth): Cut his dick off!
(Aekhnaten): Oh, father Aten! Don’t leave me! Give me your hands that bring life to everything on earth!
(Aten): Sorry, buddy. I’m out of shape now. And still need to appease your wife…

2.(Osiris) Hey, don’t be like sumerians. Give that guy a chance! May be he will turn to good. Let’s weight him on the scales of Truth!

3.[signpost] Scales of Truth
(Anubis): Maat! How many times I asked you not to swing on the scales of Truth?

4.(Anubis): Can I borrow your feather for a moment.

5.(Anubis): Call the patient!

===

1.(Thoth): Sorry, your canopic jar was lost, we have to weight yourself.

2.(Thoth): Guilty!

3.(Anubis): Hey, Ammit! A tasty sinner in the studio!
(Ammit): Yummy! Yummy!

4. <striking out names: Aekhnaten, Ramses…>

===

1.(Thoth): Ok, we sorted out that pharaoh issue. But I got a feeling that something is missing…

2.(Seth): Die, Osiris!

3. (*with clear South Park reference*)
(Aset): Oh my god he killed Osiris!
(Heru): Bastard!
(Thoth): The end, now…