Some asshole: “Publicly funded postal services are obsolete. Private couriers can do everything the post office can do more cheaply and efficiently.”
UPS: *chucks a $300 piece of computer hardware from a moving vehicle to land in the middle of my driveway as I watch from my living room window, then takes off without ever coming to a complete stop; five minutes later, an email arrives in my inbox informing me that my parcel has been left at the door because the courier couldn’t find the requested no-contact dropoff location*
I want to emphasise that this is not a hypothetical scenario. It happened twenty-five minutes ago.
1 - It is around 40 AD, you are the greco-babylonian Occultist Hermes Trismegistus, you read some early vedic philosophy and write some fun mystic stuff about how oftentimes things are created when opposites combine. You use a lot of imagery related to male and female organs. You have just invented what will eventually be called Hermeticism.
2 - It’s 2017, someone on 4chan reads that soy products have plant estrogen in them. People are not plants and it has no effect on people, but suddenly soy products are responsible for the feminization of the western male and therefore the downfall of civilization. This is the birthplace of the transphobic epithet soyboy.
3 - If soy products are feminine, what are some products with say, plant testosterone in them? 4chan fixates on onions. Queue months worth of posts of channers chugging onion juice to own the libs.
4 - You are Jordan Peterson, you’re a self help writer down on his luck. You’ve got an audience of angry young men who feel emasculated by the failures of late capitalism, and you’ve read a lot of hermetic philosophy. It’s time to cache in.
5 - You create what will become the foundation of neofascist metaphysics. You take the hermetic idea of male and female energies literally, positing that all things in their essence are either inherently male or inherently female, with no in-between. This allows said young men to blame bad things on their inherent spiritual feminity, rather than say, capitalism.
6 - Hence, onions are a channel for the inherent masculine energy of the universe.
Bonus - you get addicted to benzos and rotten meat so your daughter kidnaps you and drops you off at a Russian rehab where you’re put into a medical coma for several months
![ultrafacts:
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Click HERE for more facts!”](https://64.media.tumblr.com/22adaed6d916956e0b9e45cef1cb7246/203e9d5f75798d73-0f/s500x750/a2e06b59b1fa258852ac94814e33b1f0db430f82.png)
